


Oh You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

by hookedoncaptainswan



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-10 16:19:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15295371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hookedoncaptainswan/pseuds/hookedoncaptainswan
Summary: Super Hero/ Villain AU where Killian and Emma are best friends but also mortal enemies and they don't know it. This should be fun hehe.





	1. Chapter 1

"Killiaaaaaannn will you PLEASE get out of the shower? I have significantly more hair than you and you are using up all the hot water!"

"Actually love I have much more hair than you would think. It takes a considerable amount of time to look as devilishly handsome as I do." 

"I really don't care, will you please just hurry I have to be somewhere in one hour."

"Yeah, yeah alright I'm done, I'm out." He says as he steps out of the shower with a fluffy towel intricately wrapped around his waist, water dripping from him and his wet hair plastered to his face. "And Emma - if you wanted to see me wet all you had to do was ask." OH GOD I was staring again! Dammit why does this keep happening? 

The whole time I am in the shower all I can think about is why can't I have a normal looking best friend, why does he have to be super-model hot?

Killian Jones has been in my life since we were 10. His dad left him and his brother Liam alone when they were young and they ended up in the same foster home as me for all of 3 months before our foster parents decided having 3 preteens living under one roof was too much for them and sent the Brothers Jones packing and back into the system. The universe must have had other plans for us though because no matter how many states I got passed through, Killian and Liam and I inevitably ALWAYS ended up in the same home for up to 3 months every year until Killian and I were 16 and Liam was 18. But once Liam was of age he claimed custody of Killian and I was alone for what came next. 

I ran away from one of my many homes when I was 17 and never looked back. That's when I met Neal Cassidy. We did the whole Bonnie and Clyde act for about a year and a half until he decided I wasn't worth the risk anymore and had me take the fall for his crime, ironically one that I had no part in this time. I was in jail for another year and when I got out I decided to start fresh. The first place I went was Boston and I worked in a coffee shop, my very customer on my first day was none other than Killian Jones. 

We got lunch and caught up after my shift ended and I soon found out that I wasn't the only one who's life had been turned upside down in the last few years. Liam, along with Killian's girlfriend Milah died in a terrible boating accident when a storm threw them both overboard and Killian had been unable to save either one of them. He had turned to alcohol in his darkness and got into fights every night. One night though when he took a punch at someone, they dodged it and his left fist went straight through the window behind the guy, causing paralysis in his whole hand and eventually needing to have it amputated.

Since our reunion we decided we were always better off together and moved in together. Killian Jones is my best friend and I wouldn't sacrifice that for anything... not even for him to finally know how I feel. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Captain Hook what are we to do about the Savior? She has foiled every plan you have ever hatched. Something MUST be done about her." 

"Smee how many times do I have to tell you we are not to discuss the Savior and her habit of ruining my evil plans."

"But sir, then how will we keep her from ruining your next plan?"

"I will find a way to work everything out Smee, don't you worry that tiny brain of yours." What to do, what to do? The Savior seems to make it her priority to ONLY foil my plans, how can I distract her from what I do next? ----- AHA "Smee I've got it! The only way to distract the beautiful hero is to create more villains. We only need to distract her long enough to begin our next project."

"Aye sir, but--"

"No Buts Smee, just find me some villains."

"Aye sir..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Savior, savior --- come in savior"

"Yes author, what have you found?"

"It's Captain Hook... he is soon to strike again."

"Don't worry Henry, I'm on it." 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Emma love, I'm home."

"In the kitchen!"

"Ooh what's for dinner? Cooking just for me?"

"Ha- ha. You wish, dinner tonight is pizza as usual. I don't have the energy to cook after the day I've had."

"What's wrong Swan?"

"Well the same guy who always causes problems for me at work is at it again and I'm just tired of always dealing with the same crap all of the time. I want to branch out and just be more useful than just diffusing his bom-- problems, diffusing his problems." 

"I'm sorry Swan I know that must be frustrating."

"Yeah, how was work for you today?"

"Well similar to yours I guess in a way... Everytime I create a plan to get something done, the same woman is always standing in my way to put a stop to it. It doesn't matter what I do I just can't seem to get anything done with her around."

"Seems we are both in quite the predicament."

"Seems we are."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going more in-depth on their super hero and super villain background.

First thing I hear when I wake up is my alarm -- not my regular alarm though, but my Swan Song alarm -- and that can only mean one thing: Hook is at it again. That's right. The one and only Captain Hook: the most evil villain in all of Boston... though lately he has kind of been the only villain in Boston, which makes my job both easier and harder. Easier in the way that at least I have more free time for my average citizen life, but harder in the way that he just. keeps. coming. back. Every time I turn around he's got some new evil plan to take over Boston or some crap like that. You know, come to think of it I don't really know his motive for being evil... which is weird... Most villains give a long drawn out speech before I bust them, but he never does. Usually Hook just makes some weird innuendo about his sword stabbing me and stuff like that. 

"Okay Henry, what has he done this time? And why so early in the morning?"

"Umm... I'm not sure how to tell you this. But it's not Hook this time."

"Wait what? We haven't had any other villains here in over a year!"

"I know, but Savior it looks like everyone is coming out of retirement today. I have had calls about Queenie, The Dark One, even BlackBeard and Queen of Hearts! Savior are you sure you can handle all of them on your own?"

"I'm fine for now Author, but I'll let you know if I need backup. I don't think I need to point out to you how suspicious it is that all of them came out to play at once?"

"I'm aware of how this looks. I'll let you know if I find anything else about it. Good luck Savior."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Marvelous work, Smee! Though I'm not sure why you had to drag The Dark One and BlackBeard into this."

"I didn't sir, I swear it. I only asked Regina and Cora to lend a hand but it seems to have inspired the others, I suppose."

"Well so long as neither of them get in my way I suppose the more the merrier. It certainly can't hurt to keep the Savior hard at work."

The Savior has been out to get me since I began my villainous ways 2 years ago. Granted, I started villainy at a young age being only 19 but I had a hard life. Being unwanted and unloved for so long does something to a person, and then to lose the only people in your life who ever did love you -- will make one turn to unthinkable methods of coping. See I tried the classic "drown my sorrows in tears" thing... it didn't end well for me. And so I decided to turn my back on the world, which only felt fair for a world which had turned it's back to me. It started with small, petty crimes: defacing property and whatnot. But one night something happened that I simply couldn't ignore -- that was the first time I ever killed a man -- from then on I assumed the role of Captain Hook. 

With the Savior distracted by other foes, I will begin work today on my biggest project yet. This will change the face of Villains forever. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I guess my first stop is to take care of BlackBeard. He is the simplest one, from previous encounters, to foil. Here I go, stepping onto a ship I had long since left behind -- the Jolly Roger. 

"So what is it today BlackBeard? Pillaging? Plundering? Or just the casual murder streak as usual?"

"Ah Savior so nice of you to stop by. You see it seems you and I have a common enemy. And what is that saying... 'An enemy of my enemy is a friend' or something like that?"

"I don't think anyone says that, but who exactly do you think has the power to make me align myself with the likes of you?"

"Why who else than that Captain Hook of course! I've been in hiding until he summoned my ship to return to do his bidding."

"As I recall, this ship doesn't belong to you, it was stolen. So while he is responsible for many wrongdoings, I am not sure summoning HIS ship is one of them." 

"She's MY ship as long as I am standing alive on this deck!"

"Okay so let me get this straight: You aren't actually plotting anything other than staying exactly where you are on this stolen ship?"

"Quite right Savior, and DON'T try and stop me!"

I realize he isn't actually a threat to anyone so I decide to do the simplest thing in this case, which is to use my magic to freeze him onto the deck of the ship so that he is exactly where he wants to be and I don't have to worry about him causing me any more trouble until the police come to retrieve him later. 

"I won't then. In fact, I think I will help you after all." *freezes* "Next Stop: the card shoppe."

TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to let me know what you think! I love hearing from you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment below your thoughts!!!


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